Monday, 4 June 2007

Random Things I HATE.

Since I just got finished with another round at the freakin dentist. This is one of the things I hate most in life. Dentist visits combine so many things I hate. Needles, gross tasting crap, RAINCOATS (God I abhor raincoats, burn them all in the lake of fire) drowning in your own saliva, and then paying lots of money to be tortured in such ways and have them tell you "don't drink caffeinated beverages with sugar." Hello. I can't function at five AM without being hopped up on a steady diet caffeine and sugar. If I weren't terrified of needles, I'd start an IV of it, then it wouldn't bother my teeth. Would that make you people happy?
And my TMJ always kicks the crap out of me for at least a week after a visit to the dentist.
Especially irksome is that I phoned in NOVEMBER to make this appointment and the earliest booking date was today. And losers are always whining "if we had a private health care system there would be no long wait times". When we booked for next year they told us they were booking into March already. Yes March. Considering that is only for a checkup it sounds like an inordinately long wait time to me, fools.

Getting ice cream at the end is the only thing that makes it better.

Anyway, this reminds me of all the other things that happen to have earned the label of "things I loathe with all the fire in my soul." This would be an incomplete list of my phobias and neuroses, as I find new things to hate every day. But here are the ones I can think of.

Phoning people. I hate to impose on people, probably because I consider answering the phone to be such an imposition. I usually just wait until the caller hangs up and then "pretend" to answer. Darn I missed it. I hate having to talk on the phone when I am involved in something else, especially if I am on the land line so I can't go over to the computer or my project and work on it anyway.
I was probably the only fifteen year old girl that when the phone would ring, instead of running to get it, would look around and say " so is someone going to get that?"

The title MS. As the old song goes this is the salutation for "knock-kneed bimbos walking like ho's". If you don't know why don't ask. And if you do, nod your head. And call me Miss while you're at it.

DOGS.

Getting my hair cut. I really can't rationalize this one, I just know that I really hate having to go to the salon and trying to communicate "DON'T DO A FRICKIN HACK-JOB" effectively.

Pretentious A-holes that use macs. Or any brand loyal pretentious A-holes for that matter. I have been thinking of getting a mac cube because they are leetle, but I don't really want to be that associated with A-holes incorporated. I do have an ipod, but it was a gift, and I swear at it and it's retarded clickwheel a lot.

Unitarian Cuddlefests of Tolerance and Diversity (yes I use this title as an archetype...often).

The trend of renaming every building and auditorium the "Credit Union" Centre. EVERY one. Centre of the Arts-Credit Union Centre. Sask Place-Credit Union Centre. Centennial Auditorium Credit frickin Union Centre. So you have no idea what they are talking about when they say "so-and-so will be playing at the Credit Union Centre." The real kick to the teeth was when Taylor Field was renamed Mosaic Stadium after some financial institution. At least it isn't Credit Union Stadium I suppose.

Worms! Aughghghghgh I have a longstanding phobia of maggots and worms. We've always had cats and they'd eat mice and then get worms. At which point I would pitch the cats out of the house like they'd just been blown from a rocket launcher. I remember Baba was especially bad for eating prey, and when wormy would look all sad and mew as if to say"why don't you want to cuddle me?"
At which point I'd kick him and yell "get away, wormbutt!!!" Then wash my shoe.
A few years ago I found out that this particular hatred actually has a name; helminthphobia. Personally I blame grandma for this one.

Living in a small town where everyone thinks your business is their business too because they are all above you since you are an outsider and they are all inbred Lords of the Town.

Farmers who say "without us none of you would have jobs" when four out of every five dollars they make is subsidized by the government which obtains it by taxing...all the people with regular jobs.

EI. This is not a government slush fund!

Why don't we have an American style Senate yet? I don't give a rip about our commitment to reduce fartyness. I want my damn Senate reform. This is why I voted for you people.

The Winnipeg Bluebombers, the most cheating bunch of bastards ever to live. And they are the most hated team in the league too, ask anyone!

I am torn as to whether I can truly hate the Riders, even though that useless sack of crap Kent Austin is back again. Grandma said "Well he did get us a cup", to which I replied "So did Ronnie Lancaster." She stopped there.
Okay so here is the paradox; I hate Kent Austin while I love the Riders. I hope they fire him soon. Tomorrow would be good.

Christians conflating the Gospel and...anything really.

People who play "how can a loving God allow bad things to happen to good people" like it's a trump card or something. Ah where the hell are these good people they keep talking about? Spirited away on some deserted island so that I have never never seen one of them? This only happened ONCE people and I think we could argue effectively that the salvation of the world was pretty good.

Which reminds me, Christians denying total depravity.

Certain stuffy people in the art world that don't realize Marcel Duchamp is probably laughing at them from the grave RIGHT NOW. I am convinced he just wanted to see if people would take his work as the ultimate parody seriously, and they totally did. I am with the artist who sledgehammered the Fountain; he was only part of the continuum of dada.

Passive-aggressive omega people. They always seem to pick me to annoy-unwisely as the end result usually involves taunting, tantrums and ultimately physical violence.

My skin. I am reacting to something yet again, probably air, or the effects of someone looking cross-eyed at it.

Some of the retarded rules of the health care system, most especially the interpretation of the right to privacy and the right to self-determination. Thanks alot for that.

Which reminds me; the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Way to render our legal system FUBAR. Apparently Trudeau was never educated in the "if it ain't broke don't fix it you total idiot" school. I would like to shove that thing where the monkey stuck the peanuts, as grandma would aptly say.

People that don't realize if it's not Scottish, it's CRrrAAP!


Wow I hate a lot of things, don't I. Well maybe I will do a Things Which Have Garnered My Complete and Total Adulation post to balance it out. I don't really think it will be as long. Or as fun.

ETA: I JUST got an email which says:

HINDER Playing July 10 at the

CREDIT UNION CENTRE.

Which one I will never know. The coincidence is weird.


ETA again; I totally forgot some of my most hated things!

BATH SHIFTS. I can never get through one without someone having a bm in the tub. NEVER. often more than one. Though if they wanted to really clean up the mineral deposits the water leaves in the tub, poop clears it right off. Why don't I mark myself NBS???

I am also listening to While My Guitar Gently Weeps, which reminds me that I hate covers of While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
If Eric frickin Clapton was secure enough in his abilities to do restrain the showy crap in deference to the theme and feeling of the song, certainly someone else should be able to as well. But NO. These people apparently have serious cases of aphasia, since they don't seem to realize that While My Guitar Gently Weeps is not the same thing as While My Guitar is Played in a Technically Impressive Manner by Me Aren't I Cool. Idiots.
I am sure there is a purgatory for crappy covers of great songs, and all covers of this song belong there-only the original should be kept from burning. Well the re-working of the demo on Love is quite beautiful, but it too has the advantage of George Harrison as opposed to the losers singing it.

10 comments:

mem said...

Ha, novocaine is never a valid excuse. It should be totally easy to follow people by initials. Totally.

And wow. I expect you'll find that the best of friends are the ones who understand the things that will follow in the other post, if you get around to writing it. But you probably knew that already.


The one thing Detroit has going for it is Joe Louis Arena. The rest of it can go to pot, but JLA is pretty sweet. Corporate sponsorship turns tradition into tuppence. (I had to go for the alliteration, sorry.)

So are the Lords of Town anything like this? And if you have been imported into Bumble, whence were you imported?

And it takes us awhile to schedule for dental visits here, too, though I suspect more along the lines of a few months. We get regular reminders in the mail: "Your facial torture is due in three months! Don't forget how much you enjoyed bleeding into a cup last time!"

mem said...

And just to make your day better, hilarity just for you.

mem said...

No, no, I meant that novocaine was no excuse for mixing up the stories about me getting whacked in the face by my brother and M getting his wisdom teeth pulled.

I found your rant eminently readable.


The midwest is similar in some regards, I think, to Broadview. The small-town mentality is rarer in the US these days because even our small towns tend to be larger than smaller ones elsewhere. Fortunately, I spent most of my years being utterly oblivious to what other people thought of me (unless they were drawing on my neck with deodorant) or anything else, for that matter, so it kind of flew over my head.

gwensmom said...

muahaha! now that we know what you hate we can really annoy you.

Char said...

Damn!! I never thought of that eventuality!

mem said...

Ha, I did.

C is just jealous of all the comments.

She also hates phones, but is chasing M with one. Ironically, he also hates phones, but will answer for her. Hmmmmmmm

I just got back from watching Seven Samurai with my student and another C. It was fun, but I am tired. So I'm going to sleep.

I'm sure your life is complete knowing all that.

mem said...

So are you the one pointing out bad puns or making bad puns?

And I suppose the reason I refer to people by initials is many-fold. First, it's force of habit. Second, it makes the people I know and/or am related to sound somehow mysterious, like secret agents or something. I am a pseudo-sucker for cloak and dagger. Third, because my blog is not publicly listed, and it helps to protect the identities of the guilty.

The story about your mom is cute. M knows someone who left an interview somewhat prematurely after being alerted by his potential boss that he misspelled his own name on his resume. Oops.

mem said...

Many-fold needs clarification? Golly Moses, woman! I actually guessed at the etymology while I was replying and got it right.

This is where you would say, "Hail Neridcus Caesarus" or something like that.

PS the verification word is "uhixma", which is funny to pronounce.

mem said...

Oh, so you were complaining about my use of "is" with "many-fold." Well, since I'm using it as an adjective, it means "multi-faceted" and has acceptable use in the singular. It's a little like the trinity, or the mystery of your shoes.

But you got me good on the Nerdicus typo. I would rather be a sea nymph.

mem said...

Do you know what I hate? Crazy busy days in which thinking is almost impossible. Off to beat children.