Leetle White Box of Nerd Cooties

As I type there is a little white box sitting on the desk of my room. As the title suggests, I am sure said little white box is jam-packed with nerd cooties, just waiting to be released so they can get me. Now one might think that because it is small there can't be that many cooties in there and conclude it is not so dangerous. Don't be fooled, for the strength of the nerd cooties in this box are particularly virulent and there is a thousand dollars worth of them in there. I'm also sure that, unlike their human hosts, they replicate like mad too. In fact the little white box is likely a nerd-cootie factory, one which I wouldn't be surprised to know runs on role playing games and science fiction films.


Behold The Cootie Machine:




EEeeeeeEeEEeeEeeeWWwwWWWwwWww!!!!!! Why did I pay money for this??!

Oh yeah because mama the buying enabler told me I had to.

I think she wants to poison me with nerdyness. What a slow and painful death that is, sadistic mama. She'll definitely never get grandchildren out of me now (not that she ever was mind you).

I also secondarily blame Grandma, as it is because of her that I must move the computer out of the back room and into my room where there is no room for the large tower I have now. I was looking at laptops but I didn't want to get rid of the lurvely wide-screen monitor I got for Christmas, and well, to me laptops kind of suck. I thought I might as well get a smaller computer that was wireless so we could keep the modem and router where they are-and I'd get to keep the Most Beloved Monitor.

Thirdly I blame my other Grandma, because mama had an ulterior motive in convincing me to buy the Leetle White Box of Nerd Cooties; she wants Grandma B. to have my old computer so they can all chat on the computer together (mama, aunts-who never visit my blog after I carefully erased all the evil things I said about them!!-and grandma). So she has a hand in it as well!

but you know it is so leetle and kind of cute-in a completely nerdtacular way...

BTW, "Leetle White Box of Nerd Cooties" has already become this computer's official name.

ETA and my keyboard doesn't work with it! Damn damn DAMN. Now I've unhooked everything from my other computer and I can't even work on the cootie machine.

Let's talk no more of the virus that has invaded my house.

Here is some consolation: about four years ago I bought six iris bulbs (or rhizomes or whatever the heck they're called) to plant in the crop circle because irises are one of my favorite flowers. When I got them, three were bad and the company replaced them, but I thought I might plant those away from the others. So I looked up how they were meant to be planted and cared for and carefully followed all instructions as I planted the nine bulbs I had. I waited and got...nothing.
It took a year or two before one lone little leaf appeared. I have been watching it with interest since, and finally this year, it got a flower. Yesterday the flower bloomed. So of those nine bulbs this is all I ended up with, but it is pretty so I think it was worth it. Maybe it's beautifulness is even powerful enough to cancel out the nerd cooties...

AaaaAAaart

While at work the other day, I was looking at a Saskatoon tourism booklet that had come with the paper. They had a listing of the current exhibitions at the Mendel Art Gallery. As the Mendel is just across the kinsmen park from what is still my grandma's apartment for the next month or so, I have spent many a good time hanging out there, looking at conceptual art involving cut up bodies and whatnot, and wondering who eats the bananas from the conservatory banana tree. It's always good to take some time to go there when we are in the city.

Anyway the Mendel is currently showing an exhibit of British Drawings from The National Gallery. The listing is graced by a nice Rossetti drawring, and the idea of resurrecting a drawing salon sounded kind of interesting so I figured I'd probably make a stop there when we go up in July. So I went to the website (I didn't even know the Mendel had a website) and saw that it's focused on Pre-Raphaelite work, which would be nice to see...then I saw those three special words.

You know the ones that cause heart fluttering and excessive swooning. That's right!

Charles Rennie Mackintosh.

AAAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaHHHHhhhhHHHH!!!!!

There's a drawing by CRM in Saskatchewan!! Now knowing me, you would be aware that I would be willing to travel there to see a piece of TP that was once stuck to the shoe of one of the Four. So you know I AM SO GOING to that now.

I am betting it's one of his smaller watercolours or flower paintings, nothing spectacular, as I think the Hunterian Gallery houses all the superextracool works of the Mackintoshes. Still wouldn't it just be awesome if it was that one...which name I don't know-but it's like my FAVORITE one, and it's all green and purple and crazy detailed and it has like shieldy-things, and I have it as my desktop background, and I close everything just to look at it sometimes, yeah that one-wouldn't it be awesome if it was that one?? I feel that either that or a textile design would be most worthy of the jail time I'd get for stealing it.


Mama will not agree to be my distractor however. I don't know what her problem is. I'm sure it will just be a little drawring and if I wear a big coat to hide it in no one will notice, even though it will be July when we go, because I'm skinny to start with.

And I'll delete this entry if successful of course.



Look I found my fave piece, isn't this...uh, superwickedawesome? I've only seen it in one book (from which I scanned it so the page break is visible in the centre) and don't know the title. It is so thick with detail-I do wish I knew what the heck was going on.

To You I Am An

Open Book, frontispiece; felt pens


Open Book, opened up; felt pens

So, as a constant ripper-offer, I am always trawling about for ideas to steal. When I had been all gung-ho about finding myself a letterpress (before grandma came) I was also into looking at the art of printing, which inevitably leads one back to Dard Hunter.

This piece originally was to look extremely different, but it evolved farther away from the initial design to the gatefold and the layout-all I had to choose was the font and the designs to sit between the text. I ended up hand drawing a Hunter-like text with a classic Roycrofter tulip. I also decided to re-create the type of justification of some of his books.

This was going to be the mock-up and it is done on plain manilla. However the inked piece took sooo long and ended up looking good enough that I decided to colour it and keep it as the final piece if possible.

My colouring was terribly messy, and I'm going to have to see what I can do to clean it up. I've never been so good with brush markers, though I know a lot of people like them. Other than that I think it turned out okay.

Random Things I HATE.

Since I just got finished with another round at the freakin dentist. This is one of the things I hate most in life. Dentist visits combine so many things I hate. Needles, gross tasting crap, RAINCOATS (God I abhor raincoats, burn them all in the lake of fire) drowning in your own saliva, and then paying lots of money to be tortured in such ways and have them tell you "don't drink caffeinated beverages with sugar." Hello. I can't function at five AM without being hopped up on a steady diet caffeine and sugar. If I weren't terrified of needles, I'd start an IV of it, then it wouldn't bother my teeth. Would that make you people happy?
And my TMJ always kicks the crap out of me for at least a week after a visit to the dentist.
Especially irksome is that I phoned in NOVEMBER to make this appointment and the earliest booking date was today. And losers are always whining "if we had a private health care system there would be no long wait times". When we booked for next year they told us they were booking into March already. Yes March. Considering that is only for a checkup it sounds like an inordinately long wait time to me, fools.

Getting ice cream at the end is the only thing that makes it better.

Anyway, this reminds me of all the other things that happen to have earned the label of "things I loathe with all the fire in my soul." This would be an incomplete list of my phobias and neuroses, as I find new things to hate every day. But here are the ones I can think of.

Phoning people. I hate to impose on people, probably because I consider answering the phone to be such an imposition. I usually just wait until the caller hangs up and then "pretend" to answer. Darn I missed it. I hate having to talk on the phone when I am involved in something else, especially if I am on the land line so I can't go over to the computer or my project and work on it anyway.
I was probably the only fifteen year old girl that when the phone would ring, instead of running to get it, would look around and say " so is someone going to get that?"

The title MS. As the old song goes this is the salutation for "knock-kneed bimbos walking like ho's". If you don't know why don't ask. And if you do, nod your head. And call me Miss while you're at it.

DOGS.

Getting my hair cut. I really can't rationalize this one, I just know that I really hate having to go to the salon and trying to communicate "DON'T DO A FRICKIN HACK-JOB" effectively.

Pretentious A-holes that use macs. Or any brand loyal pretentious A-holes for that matter. I have been thinking of getting a mac cube because they are leetle, but I don't really want to be that associated with A-holes incorporated. I do have an ipod, but it was a gift, and I swear at it and it's retarded clickwheel a lot.

Unitarian Cuddlefests of Tolerance and Diversity (yes I use this title as an archetype...often).

The trend of renaming every building and auditorium the "Credit Union" Centre. EVERY one. Centre of the Arts-Credit Union Centre. Sask Place-Credit Union Centre. Centennial Auditorium Credit frickin Union Centre. So you have no idea what they are talking about when they say "so-and-so will be playing at the Credit Union Centre." The real kick to the teeth was when Taylor Field was renamed Mosaic Stadium after some financial institution. At least it isn't Credit Union Stadium I suppose.

Worms! Aughghghghgh I have a longstanding phobia of maggots and worms. We've always had cats and they'd eat mice and then get worms. At which point I would pitch the cats out of the house like they'd just been blown from a rocket launcher. I remember Baba was especially bad for eating prey, and when wormy would look all sad and mew as if to say"why don't you want to cuddle me?"
At which point I'd kick him and yell "get away, wormbutt!!!" Then wash my shoe.
A few years ago I found out that this particular hatred actually has a name; helminthphobia. Personally I blame grandma for this one.

Living in a small town where everyone thinks your business is their business too because they are all above you since you are an outsider and they are all inbred Lords of the Town.

Farmers who say "without us none of you would have jobs" when four out of every five dollars they make is subsidized by the government which obtains it by taxing...all the people with regular jobs.

EI. This is not a government slush fund!

Why don't we have an American style Senate yet? I don't give a rip about our commitment to reduce fartyness. I want my damn Senate reform. This is why I voted for you people.

The Winnipeg Bluebombers, the most cheating bunch of bastards ever to live. And they are the most hated team in the league too, ask anyone!

I am torn as to whether I can truly hate the Riders, even though that useless sack of crap Kent Austin is back again. Grandma said "Well he did get us a cup", to which I replied "So did Ronnie Lancaster." She stopped there.
Okay so here is the paradox; I hate Kent Austin while I love the Riders. I hope they fire him soon. Tomorrow would be good.

Christians conflating the Gospel and...anything really.

People who play "how can a loving God allow bad things to happen to good people" like it's a trump card or something. Ah where the hell are these good people they keep talking about? Spirited away on some deserted island so that I have never never seen one of them? This only happened ONCE people and I think we could argue effectively that the salvation of the world was pretty good.

Which reminds me, Christians denying total depravity.

Certain stuffy people in the art world that don't realize Marcel Duchamp is probably laughing at them from the grave RIGHT NOW. I am convinced he just wanted to see if people would take his work as the ultimate parody seriously, and they totally did. I am with the artist who sledgehammered the Fountain; he was only part of the continuum of dada.

Passive-aggressive omega people. They always seem to pick me to annoy-unwisely as the end result usually involves taunting, tantrums and ultimately physical violence.

My skin. I am reacting to something yet again, probably air, or the effects of someone looking cross-eyed at it.

Some of the retarded rules of the health care system, most especially the interpretation of the right to privacy and the right to self-determination. Thanks alot for that.

Which reminds me; the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Way to render our legal system FUBAR. Apparently Trudeau was never educated in the "if it ain't broke don't fix it you total idiot" school. I would like to shove that thing where the monkey stuck the peanuts, as grandma would aptly say.

People that don't realize if it's not Scottish, it's CRrrAAP!


Wow I hate a lot of things, don't I. Well maybe I will do a Things Which Have Garnered My Complete and Total Adulation post to balance it out. I don't really think it will be as long. Or as fun.

ETA: I JUST got an email which says:

HINDER Playing July 10 at the

CREDIT UNION CENTRE.

Which one I will never know. The coincidence is weird.


ETA again; I totally forgot some of my most hated things!

BATH SHIFTS. I can never get through one without someone having a bm in the tub. NEVER. often more than one. Though if they wanted to really clean up the mineral deposits the water leaves in the tub, poop clears it right off. Why don't I mark myself NBS???

I am also listening to While My Guitar Gently Weeps, which reminds me that I hate covers of While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
If Eric frickin Clapton was secure enough in his abilities to do restrain the showy crap in deference to the theme and feeling of the song, certainly someone else should be able to as well. But NO. These people apparently have serious cases of aphasia, since they don't seem to realize that While My Guitar Gently Weeps is not the same thing as While My Guitar is Played in a Technically Impressive Manner by Me Aren't I Cool. Idiots.
I am sure there is a purgatory for crappy covers of great songs, and all covers of this song belong there-only the original should be kept from burning. Well the re-working of the demo on Love is quite beautiful, but it too has the advantage of George Harrison as opposed to the losers singing it.