I was reading fashion blogs at work the other day (I know...but much of the aim of my job is to stay awake all night.) anyway, I unearthed a most ominous and frightening trend: fashion bloggers talking about skinny jeans...favourably.
Of course they've (minions of Mephistopheles in the fashion industry, that is) been trying to push this evil on us for awhile, but so far we have fought the good fight. We remember the days of freedom, when like the Ephesians with their books of magic, we burned our skinny jeans on a multi thousand dollar holy pyre, jubilant that we were no longer under their dark influence.
Too quickly it seems we have begun to wear down, to forget the tyranny.
Even now you may hear the honey-dipped voice of El Diablo whispering in your ear, telling you how thin your ankles will look in those skinny jeans. "Jeans are just jeans aren't they?" whispers the seductive voice. Listen not to the father of lies!
We well know that for all the beauty God has given, the devil has a twisted horrible counterfeit. The LORD in his wisdom gave us bootcut, straightleg, and all manner of comfortable attractive jeans. Only the darkened mind of the Evil One could mar something so good as the jean into the hideous beast known as the skinny taperleg jean. Only old scratch could come up with a jean that looks good on absolutely no one-NO ONE-and so disfigure the human figure made in the image of God. Don't be fooled-the Accuser only awaits the day when he can post full size pictures in the courts of the heavenlies of you in those skinny jeans. There will be nowhere to hide from the shame.
Repent now! If your skinny jeans lead you to sin (which they always do) cut them off! Arise and wake-for the skinny jeans will infiltrate the church and lead many astray. We must fight this tide!
Appendix: Out of morbid curiosity, I had to read comments to see how many had been fiendishly deceived. What I read made my blood run cold. Someone suggested skinny jeans best asset is that one can tuck them into one's boots. There you have it, dispies. Between that and leggings, living proof that the Great Tribulation is upon us. You can't say you weren't warned.