Monday, 26 November 2012


Continuing on in the vein of my last post, I ended up writing a long and melodramatic tome on the providence of God. Watching the patterns emerge was hard; in some ways writing about it was almost as difficult. But also instructive in the way I've learned only hard lessons can be.

Anyone who has read a lot of Dickens knows he had an affinity for connecting everyone and everything in a nice loop at the end of his books. There were no coincidences and if you wondered what the hell was the point of discussing Jerry Cruncher’s grave robbing excursions, you just had to wait til the end of the story and you’d find out. Sometimes you have to wonder if God isn’t writing a Dickens novel and telling you the end would spoil it.

 As my motto says, God often works by contraries. Perhaps that's why James tells us to append "if the Lord wills" to any statement. We really don’t know what his secret plans are. And, as I've said, of all things we can be thankful to God for I think that’s one of the most valuable. We have no idea what he has in mind, only that it’s ultimately for some good. We pray earnestly to be conformed to the likeness of his son, to be used in some way, with no idea how he is going to answer those prayers. When he does, it’s usually in very surprising and sometimes unwanted ways. In my experience the times I see a definite answer have mostly been bone crushingly painful and I think “if I’d known this is what he was going to do I would have taken it all back”.

As I have often said, we go along brokering little deals with God, ignorant to the fact that he isn’t in the contract business and his silence isn’t acquiescence. Until we get to the point where he’s supposed to keep his end of the bargain, and he reneges. As we ride along one way, thinking "the Lord's SO in this" He turns. Hard. It's like how when you learn to ride a bike and take a turn too fast resulting in the bike going one way and you another. It ends with a thudding stop at the ground, a face full of dirt and many tears. The value is in what you learn from it.

It’s been a decade of learning from the fall. I think about the person I was then, and I know that without the falling down, I could never become the person I am. I know that God has been working providentially in all things to answer my immature prayers; they are too coincidental in the Dickensian sense to be anything else. And too painful and hard. It’s kind of amazing how he pushed and pulled me through it all to make the new me.  I would have never been able to do what I am doing now at 24. Would never have been able to be the person I am now. And part of me still laments that it took everything that it did to make me grow up. I know that it’s not all about me, but in the end these little things are how he brings us closer to him. And I want to thank him for all the hell he brought into my life that I could be outfitted for heaven. Working in contraries again.

**Then I wrote a bunch of what turns out to be insignificant details to advance the thesis. Let it be known that it was advanced. "Testimonies" often become hopelessly narcissistic and the forest becomes lost for the trees. But I have to give credit where credit is due, and as James said, know it was the Lord’s will that I would do this or that thing. He had and has bigger plans than me making it through the last ten years. Obviously I am to work for the good of my neighbours in my vocation, and in so doing become a mask of God and a means by which he acts providentially in their lives. He will make the differences through my small gestures of kindness. He will conform others to the likeness of his Son.

It’s pretty staggering when you realize that everything you’ve gone through isn’t just for your benefit but for the benefit of others. That he is going to keep that cycle going and continue to glorify his name in all the earth. And it’s like man. Despite how many times I showed up in the story, it’s nothing but a footnote in a serial. This wasn’t about me at all. I am Jerry Cruncher robbing graves.


Anonymous said...

Hi Char, I have dropped by again.  From this entry here, I figure you are 24 of age. Quite many good insights for someone of your age.  Take this as a compliment, and trust that, what God has started, He will bring it to completion, like it was said in the Book of Philippians.

My own experience is that for the difficult trials and afflictions of life, when you persevere through them, correctly, you can grow in tandem with the severity of the afflictions.  In other words, the more difficult the affliction, the greater or deeper is your growth.  When we walk with Him, not walking with our own strength, ability and dictate, God will always work growth into us, through it all.

While it seems to us, God is so very often, not in line with what we would do, and so, you expressed as God works in the contrary, it is possible to experience season of time where you are aligned to what He would like you to do; I have experienced that before.  It is of course, so exciting, and felt so deeply honored to be working with Him.  It is not perpetual, but it is possible such a season can be long; mine lasted about 4-5 years, it may not have ended although consistency has slackened.  I am much much older than you, if you are really only 24; you will experience, season of walking with Him, only you are to continue to believe in Him, trust Him, and yearn to be in His will, and most importantly, vow to love Him, and then remember to, as far as possible do that - love Him.

God is the knower of heart (Acts 1:24); when we fail, because we have given in, to our difficult circumstances, God knows the condition of our heart when we fail. God knows, and if we indeed have disappointed, we can turn to Him and ask to be forgiven, and our fellowship can once again be restored.  When we are loving God, we can still fail Him, from time to time, but it is still important that we are wanting and trying, to love Him.

Many of the powerful promises in the Word, are most assuredly, assured for those who LOVE Him. Just to name a few - Ps 91 (pay attention to cv 14-15), Rom 8:28, and 1 Cor 2:9.

Continue to follow Jesus.  Yes, God wants to benefit others, but you are one of others - His creation, His children. God wants to benefit you too. But be willing to be what He wants to mold us into, after all He is the Potter, we are the clay.

God bless.

Anthony Chia, high.expressions

Char said...

No I am not 24. What I said was I wouldn't be able to do what I am doing now when I was 24.