Tuesday, 29 June 2010

School's Out

I made it through my first year of university without killing anyone! (Only because I didn't have clinicals). Well, Mama came really close to not making it through April but I don't want to talk about that.

Some random things I've taken away from my first year:

I've learned that I am even less suited for nursing than I thought given the philosophical basis of the program in Saskatchewan (and I know--NTs usually become doctors, which is why all doctors are jerks. I don't need another person telling me I would be a good doctor so just don't) but I'm persevering.

 I'm still too intuitive and unconventional in my thought processes. Sometimes that actually worked really well for me (English), and sometimes it backfired pretty badly (113 paper). Nurses aren't big on unconventional thinking unfortunately. Though many of them do try to be considerate of ideas they really think are just weird.

This is also the most marxist nursing program probably ever. I'd have no problem breaking down some of their status quo.
I'd prefer the program if it contained more hard science and less development of self junk. I don't even like hard science--but at least it has value. That said, I've always resisted the basic attempt of most educational systems to make me over into some other person anyway. Ask my kindergarten teacher who was the only child in like 25 years that she couldn't "bring around to her way of thinking" by the end of the year. Hint: it was me.

In order to pass my drug calculations, I bought a book for math retards and twenty years later than everyone else in the world, learned to do fractions. I found the method of teaching to be really important, because I started with a remedial math book from SIAST which made me thow it then sob melodramatically for at least two hours after about how I'd wasted all this time and money just to FAIL. But the retard book finally made it all make sense. So maybe there's still hope for my driving (though probably not since people in Regina drive incredibly stupidly). I admit it'd be nice not to have to take the bus, and I am going to have problems with clinicals. But man. Most drivers are terrifying. I've seen one huge accident and four almost-accidents on my corner since moving in April because people rip down the street at 70 and ignore stop signs.

I also took and passed statistics! I got an 81, the highest mark I think I ever got in any math ever. I've already completely blocked the trauma from my memory so please don't ask me any questions on stats.

When I was in school, I was okay with 70s. Now that I'm paying for my classes and I actually have to work at it, I hate them.

I started losing my hair. Mama thinks it's because of the stress of work and school, which means it might grow back. I hope so. Of course that would also mean it probably won't grow back for another three years. My hair was always the only non ugly thing about me, so I can't help being vain about it.

It's surreal to be going to university at my age. When the teachers talk about using typewriters "which none of you would know about" or other things I frickin remember, it makes me feel even older. At one point I realized the year I graduated, my youngest classmates were in kindergarten. Man. That said, I'm not the oldest person in the class, and lots of people are taking second degrees (because their first degree is pretty much useless in getting a job).

All in all, I still really love learning new things. I had to remind my self to stay focused on what I was supposed to be researching as I started reading journal articles off of CINAHL just because they looked "interesting" and had nothing to do with my papers. I LOVE having complete access to EBSCOhost! I have also downloaded the entire catalogue of a number of theological journals...

I also discovered just how fearfully and wonderfully made we really are. And I've shared that with everyone.

I've also learned that Providence is totally crazy.

You know how people do things they thought would be difficult and once it's done say "that wasn't so bad"? I am not one of those people. It's been hard (and I've still got three more years of it). I'm being forced to do a lot of things I don't want to do and am not good at. God knows how I am about things I'm not good at. But he still seems to want me to do them, even after all this time. He still puts my hand to plows that don't fit. I think it's all part of his restructuring plan.

So now I'm going to work and take some time to do what I'm best at--as little as possible. Read John Owen. Fix my blog (I finally re-added the header picture, yay). Pine for a kitteh. I do have some junk to do for the summer: earn money to pay for second year, take CPR, write that wretched blog post to get theo boys to quit badgering me (mem is the worst badgerer--he encourages. What's with that?), stress about Assessment, and other assorted things. But mostly I'm just glad I made it this far.


mem said...

That was long. I guess I have no room to say that though.

It may be harder to find your place in the nursing profession, but it is likely that someone will need your lack of bedside manner; if you tell them you will harvest their body parts when they die, they might even laugh at you. Just say frick to that.

I thought my hair loss was stress. Then not enough protein. Now I'm just pretty much resigned to being the big-eared Picard-look-alike at high school reunions.

Correct or not, I've always had the idea in my life that doing things that came easily to me was the wrong way to go—the easy way out wasn't the right way. I would always ask myself questions about it. That is one of the reasons I did what I did for black belt testing. I don't think I would change it, but it is a personal issue of mine. I do think, though, that God does these kind of things to us on purpose—as you say, the restructuring project. Bending outward is never fun. Ultimately you may not be suited for nursing, but at least you can be confident that in the paths God takes you, he's bending you outward and bending others outward with you.

I like to think my badgering is helping bend you out, too. But I know you'll contradict me just because I said that. So I'll assert the opposite if you ever ask.

The word thing is "dionalad," which is a football super-star's side dish.

Sarah said...

Congratulations! That 81 is statistics is great.
Have you had any time for doing art?