Monday, 24 December 2007

The Twelve Shifts of Christmas

On the first shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
a diaper full of pee

On the second shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the third shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
three spit wads
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the fourth shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
four escape attempts
three spit wads
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the fifth shift of Christmas, my boss gave to me
FIVE MORE SHIFTS

four escape attempts
three spit wads
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the sixth shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
six yelling fits

FIVE MORE SHIFTS

four escape attempts
three spit wads
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the seventh shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
Seven pounds of poo
six yelling fits

FIVE MORE SHIFTS

four escape attempts
three spit wads
emesis x2
and a diaper full of pee

On the eighth shift of Christmas, a resident gave to me
....

Okay by this time I'm not sure I'm going to be coherent or alive, so as Bob and Doug said, Welcome to shift twelve.


When I told Phil I was working twelve shifts the first thing he said was "hey the twelve shifts of Christmas." and he totally gave me the best line (five). Ha.

3 comments:

separateunion said...

I'm working 7 straight 12 hour night shits. I'm on day 4 today.

So, if I have a pulse and good theology, I can be your fake internet boyfriend? Is that it? What does it take to be upgraded to real boyfriend? Skinny jeans, crocs, and Unitarian cuddling?

mem said...

Sep, that sounds cruddy. Maybe not such a Freudian slip there. Haha.

Char, what is so funny? Was it the olsen twin or my semi-adequate description of what you need in a fake Internet boyfriend?

And I have lived this long without knowing what schristma is, and I can go longer. So live with your arcane pseudoknowledge all you want.

gwensmom said...

You are hilarious! when do we get to find out about shifts 8 - 12?

Maybe 12 shifts is not as bad as spending time with those hellion children. Or do you have to do both :0